Alert a simple question but trap to stress

Starting from childhood, the childhood of women lives in a world full of questions. Questions that sometimes sound simple, but save extraordinary pressure. Questions that continue to arise, alternating, such as endless waves. The question that initially sounded like caring, but gradually became a wound that continued to imprint.

“If it’s big, what do you want to be?”

Since childhood, women have been asked to dream. But his dream must be according to standard. If the answer wants to be an astronaut, some say, “That’s for men.” If you want to be president, you say too high. So the teacher or nurse is considered fitting, because it is “soft and suitable for women.”

“Where do you want to go to school?”

And when the time to enter school came, the question changed. If you do not enter the leading school, it is considered no achievement. If you enter your favorite school, the pressure increases must always be a champion, you must maintain the good name. As if the values ​​and achievements of women are a measure of the eligibility of their life later.

“How come you can’t get it ranked?”

Even though he had struggled hard. But the struggle is not enough, because women must always be perfect. If it fails, it is considered not smart enough. If it’s too smart, you say it’s too ambitious.

“Why don’t you go to school in superior schools?”

As if a place to learn determine the whole future. There is no room for personal reasons, financial constraints, or heart choices. Women are not free to determine the way, because the road must be in accordance with people’s expectations.

“Where do you want to go to college?”

When graduating from high school, the next question is waiting. Where do you want to go to college? And when a woman answers, there is still a sequel.

“Why take that major? Isn’t it good.”

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Never ending. Even the chosen majors were questioned. As if women’s lives must always be worthy of judgment. The department must promise high salaries, status, or prestige. Not a matter of interest or heart calling.

“After graduating from college, why don’t you work?”

Then, when he graduated and chose to take a short break, heal himself, find the direction of the question came back. Accused of being lazy, lacking ambition, unproductive. In fact, maybe he is rearranging his life. But the world doesn’t care.

“Where is the job now?”

If he finally works, it’s still not enough. “Where is work now?” If the place is ordinary, then a sentence appears like: “Campus graduates are the work like that?” Once again, his life is measured from outside standards, not the process or struggle.

“Where is his girlfriend?”

As if life is incomplete if you don’t have a partner. Women are considered “less sold” if they are still alone. Even though he is building himself, maybe ever traumatized, or is waiting for a really good one. But who cares?

“When is the application?” “When to get married?”

This question is getting louder at the age of 25 and above. Even though married is not a race. But for some people, unmarried women are considered to fail. As if his life was invalid before there was a ring on his ring finger.

“When do you have children?”

And even when married, the question has not been completed. Shortly after the consent granted, the new question arrived: “Have you filled it yet?” As if a woman’s body can be immediately given an order. No matter whether he is struggling to have children, experience miscarriage, or just want to enjoy a marriage for a moment.

“When to add a baby?”

After having one child, the question hasn’t stopped. “When to add a baby?” Not all women want or are able to have many children. But the sounds from outside are always present. There is no stop. There is no pause.

Why should the woman bear all that?

The questions above are rare, or even almost never, addressed to men. Why? Why are you always women? Since when is the standard of living and happiness of women is determined by the assessment of others?

Why does this culture not apply the same to men? If a man is not married age 30, it is considered still building a career. For women, it is considered to have “passed the golden period”. If a man works ordinary, it’s okay. But women graduated from S1 if they do not work in prestigious places, are considered in vain. If men clean the house, praised. But if a woman who is exhausted at home, is said to be “only a housewife.”

Is it that difficult to be a woman? Even more painful, often the sharpest comments come from fellow women. From neighbors, from aunt, even from her own mother. Women who should understand each other, actually become part of a pressing system. Maybe because they used to have been forced to be silent, so now suppress the next generation.

Also Read: Social Pressure on Women Related to Matchmaking, Beware of Old Virgin!

But don’t they know that our little heart is crying? That every question is like an invisible thorn but keeps painful? We want to be heard, not judged. We want to be accompanied, not commented.

It’s time we change this culture. Start to stop asking things that are not our business. Start listening, not demanding. Every woman has her own time, choice, and path. Not all women want to get married quickly. Not all women want to have many children. Not all women want to be office employees. And all that is valid.

Let women choose the path without being burdened with a million questions that only weaken. Women don’t need answers, they need understanding, the world of women is not just about answering people’s questions. The world of female is about being herself learning, failing, rising, dreaming, and running in its own way.

Then stop asking: when this, when it is. Start asking: what do you want? What do you need? How can I support you? Because what is needed by women is no longer judgment, but understanding.

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Writer: trough