Rules or compatibility, which one is better?

Taking not the same as getting used to, telling also not the same as inviting let alone exemplify. This sentence sounds simple, but has a deep and relevant meaning in the world of parenting. Many parents feel they have guided their children just because they have given orders or instructions. “Wash the dishes there.” “Learn first, don’t keep playing.” “Clean the room.”

These sentences are very often heard in homes, but is this what is called educating? Is this a form of whole guidance? In fact, educating and guiding true more than just telling. Children need concrete examples, assistance, and emotional involvement from parents in their daily lives. Unfortunately, many parents in Indonesia still practice parenting that only emphasizes orders without active involvement, which in the long run can have a negative impact on child development.

Also Read: Not Just A Mother, Being a Difficult Father

Children who are only told without being invited or exemplified, do not understand the reasons behind the requested behavior. They tend to do something for fear, not because of understanding the values ​​behind these actions. As a result, when no one is watching, children can stop doing the good things that they used to do because they were afraid of being scolded.

Patterns of parenting dominated by unilateral instructions often make children feel not understood. This is the beginning of the emotional distance between children and parents. In the long run, children can grow into non -independent individuals, or vice versa to become rebels. According to the Indonesian Child Protection Commission (KPAI), one of the causes of high cases of juvenile delinquency is the lack of two -way communication between children and parents. When children are accustomed to only told without ever being invited to dialogue or given space to understand, they will lose the meaning of the actions they take.

Inviting means getting involved. For example, when you want to get used to children washing dishes, parents can start by inviting children to do it together. Show how, give examples, and explain the reasons why it is important to wash the dishes after eating. Over time, children will get used to and can do it themselves without having to be told. This process requires patience, but the results are much better because they form awareness and habits that come from understanding, not from fear.

One common mistake in parenting in many families is the assumption that “children must be obedient to parents” without considering that healthy compliance is born from emotional connectivity and mutual trust. Children are not robots who can work with orders, they are individuals who need to be respected and understood. When parents only focus on telling, they lose the opportunity to build strong and meaningful relationships with their children.

Also read: Principles of Development and Role of Parents in Modern Parenting

In fact, in a broader context, parenting that only tells can also strengthen patriarchal construction in the household. Boys who were raised with constantly governed to be “strong”, “don’t cry”, “Don’t be spoiled”, without space to be invited to manage his emotions, will grow into a confused man about his own feelings.

Meanwhile, girls who are only told to do homework, help the kitchen, and keep your sister without ever being invited to understand the meaning of domestic roles fairly, will assume that that is the only role in the world, the household servant. No wonder if in many surveys about gender perception in Indonesia, as released by UN Women Indonesia, there are still many teenagers who consider that homework is the duty of women and decision making is the right of men. The parenting based only on the command has contributed to this inequality.

In fact, according to psychologist Vera Itabiliana Hadiwidjojo from the UI Applied Psychology Institute, children who were raised in a supportive environment, full of open communication and active involvement of parents, will grow into individuals who are confident, dare to take initiatives, and have high empathy for others. He mentioned that habituation is not just a command is the key to the formation of a child’s character from an early age. When children are accustomed to being invited to discuss, invited to choose, invited to do things together, they will feel that they are valued and have control over their actions.

According to Vera, parents should have accustomed themselves to meet the needs of children, physically and emotionally, by communicating in care. Starting communication with the child, said Vera, can ask, ‘Do you have difficulties? If there are let’s find a solution ‘.

Also read: Dangers of Authoritarian Parenting

So it is important for parents to reflect on their parenting style. Has all this time really guided, or just telling? Are children invited and accustomed to live disciplined, independent, and responsible? Or are they just carrying out routines because of pressure and fear? Do not let us as parents just busy demanding, but forget to accompany. Do not let us want children to be good personal, but do not provide time to explain and give examples.

Care is a long and non -instant process. Guiding children is about how we are present, not only physically but also heart and mind. This is about how we become an example in daily actions. Children learn not from what they hear, but from what they see and experience. So instead of continuing to tell, we better start to get used to and invite them, little by little, with love and patience.

If we want to form a generation that is tough, equal, independent, and full of empathy, then we must start from a simple way: Stop telling, start inviting. Familiarize children with the values ​​of goodness not with a loud voice, but with full involvement and warm presence. That is why the form of true guidance, which will survive in the memory and personality of the child to adulthood.

---

---

Writer: trough
Editor: Rara Zaryry